These days they are talking on the networks again of weddings without children, and I say "again" because since my first child was born almost 11 years ago, it has been a recurring theme because there are several families who have on occasion received an invitation to a wedding without children and have commented, as when We talked here six years ago.
Apparently, as there are more and more children-free hotels, more children-free airlines and even children-free villages, they are more and more couples who do not want children on their wedding day.
So, to record what I would do, I write this post today, in case someone with children feels the same as me, and in case someone comes up to send me an invitation asking my children not to attend the wedding celebration.
But why make a celebration without children?
Before giving my answer, I explain the reasons why (I imagine) a couple decides to do without the children:
- Because the celebration is going to be done in the evening, and many children are tired at that time.
- Because the food is usually long, and the children end up getting tired and dedicating themselves to running between the tables, especially if the parents do not control them a little.
- Because it is going to be a celebration a little raised tone, and it would not be a suitable show for children.
- Because the couple wants the whole celebration to be with adults, without children screaming, crying, running or avoiding their parents to be at the party.
There may be some more reason, but the usual thing is to think of the wedding as a day in which a celebration is considered ideal, the dream day. And for many couples, on his special and dream day there are no children.
A measure that provokes discussions
Of course It is a very unpopular measure for families with children, because we are denied the possibility of going all together. Many parents respond by saying that if the children do not go, they will not go either. That's why the couple that gets married usually ask for respect for your choice, that they understand them, that they take care that it will be a party for adults or that they have simply devised their special day in that way.
If you invited me to a wedding my children can't go to
Would not go. If you send me an invitation to say something like "We would like this wedding to be for adults only," "We prefer that no children come," "Please respect our desire to celebrate a wedding without children," "Adults only. "or similar, I could do two things: not go and answer the couple, or not go and not answer the couple.
Do not go and answer the couple
In addition to not going, I would send you a letter explaining that:
In my house we are a family consisting of two adults and three children, and not a couple with three children whom we consider a nuisance. Yes, of course they have their moments, of course they exasperate at times, but they do it because they are children. The duty of adults is to allow them to be children, but also to teach them to respect others. We haven't been to many weddings, but just be consistent with the moment so that there is no major problem. Children eat together at a table until they get tired; then the parents take care of them in some way, or better, the couple take that into account and you hire a babysitting service for weddings (There are already companies that are dedicated to it).
At the time the celebration begins, whether it is in the afternoon or at night, parents can perfectly assess whether it is suitable or not for children, if they are very tired or irritable, if they are falling asleep, etc. ., so in many cases we can decide to leave with them, Glad to have celebrated your link together, within the possibilities of our family. We will take the memory of your union and they of a day when they dressed handsome, they took pictures, they took them with you, they took some memory and they could eat cake and play with children they did not know. Even if you don't believe it, seeing them happy makes our parents happy, even if we miss part of the party.
Let's say that, just as your parents and elders retire when the youth party arrives, children can do the same; We don't have any problems for parents because, as I say, we are aware that we are going as a family, and at least in our case, we prefer it that way. We do not conceive celebrating your union to become a family, because a couple is a family without children, going as a broken family because you have decided ...
That is why we have decided not to go, because we prefer to be consistent with ourselves and with our children, and in passing with you. So if one day you have a child and you invite us to meet him, we don't have to tell you that we are going only if your son is not present.
Do not go and do not answer the couple
They are fully entitled to ask that children not go and ask for respect for their decision. And I am fully entitled to ask for respect equally. The mere fact that they send me an invitation asking that my children not go already seems to me disrespectful to my whole family: to us parents, for asking us to leave the children at home; and children, for prohibiting them to go.
So, given a lack of respect, you have the total freedom to do whatever you want, maybe you would opt for this option: break the invitation, sort it by the "P" of trash and if I have seen you, I do not remember.
How could they do it?
Everyone can set up their wedding as they see fit, but if a couple wants to prepare a wedding without children and does not know how to do it so as not to hurt or annoy families with children, they can do it as follows:
- Hiring a babysitter company for children: it really works. They have a party and are for the children, so that they can play with them many things and you can have everyone happy.
- Preparing a real adult party: extreme celebration so that it really is for adults. The problem is that unless you want a grandfather to have a heart attack you may also have to be banned.
- Accepting that, perhaps, children may come: "The party will be late and many children may be tired at that time; in addition, we have thought that it is intimate and adult, so it may not be an environment entirely suitable for children, for if you want to assess the possibility of coming without them. " It is not the same as going without children because they explain to you that it might be better not to go, that go without children because they forbid you to take them.
So if it's not clear, if someone intends to invite us to a wedding without children, don't do it. Don't invite us.
Photos | iStock and photo montage of JodyDigger on Flickr
In Babies and more | When will they stop marginalizing children as if they were second-class citizens ?, Change seats during a trip because there are children nearby, did you ever do it ?, Children: who needs them ?, It seems that children also bother the planes
