Within our Maternity and Paternity Course we are going to talk today about self-esteem and how to encourage our children to develop it, and also, how not to destroy or hinder it. And, more specifically, on this topic I will address this concept and how to put the first stone to build our children's self-esteem.
I don't know if you consider that you have good self esteem or if, at some point, you dominate negative thoughts about yourself. Possibly we all spend moments in which we think that we are not capable and that we are always wrong without remission, but with personal work we can redirect the situation and improve our self-esteem.
But if we talk about our children this issue is especially important. They will find in life situations, sure, that will weaken their personal image and that can instill learned helplessness.
The environment that destroys self-esteem
And while it is true that comments that devalue them, labels, punishments for their mistakes or environmental pressures, exist and we will not always be able to avoid those destructive or painful environments. What can we do to help them?
There are those who think that, in order to make children stronger, it is best to be very critical of them, detach them from us and let them manage themselves. Pressing them, punishing them, comparing them and denying them an "excessive" love I don't think build self-esteemrather, it will undermine it and force them, at best, to make a shell so that no one can harm them.
Quite the opposite is what I advise you, it is precisely in the home where the most healthy and lasting personal self-esteem is founded, which is not to be achieved later with pain, but the one that will accompany us as children.
The concept of self-esteem
Self-esteem is having a positive self image. That does not mean that we are talking about narcissus, arrogance or inability to understand mistakes or respect the limits of others. What is healthy self-esteem is something else.
A person with good self-esteem knows each other, understands himself, knows that he can overcome himself and loves himself. He knows that he makes mistakes and that mistakes are an opportunity to learn and make things better. He knows that others have equal rights to their own and does everything possible so that others are also happy and balanced.
A person with good self-esteem It does not attack, it collaborates. He does not give up or self-mediate, overcomes and forgives himself, but also faces the consequences of his actions in a responsible manner, trying to resolve the damage he has caused. And that is the kind of self-esteem that I invite you to help your children develop.
Of course, I don't think exposing children to abuse, bullying or an illogical and repressive authority benefits them at all. Is it that we believe that relating to abusers, stalkers or an illogical and repressive authority will help us with something?
The human being is enormously resilient and can overcome the worst situations, emerging from them, but that does not mean that those situations are desirable.
Therefore my first advice is protect children from abuse whatever your vehicle or form of expression. Seek for them healthy, respectful and creative relationships and environments where their self-esteem is worked precisely, where punishments or labels are not used and where their personality is not built through the directional control. And this applies to both family, groups of friends or school.
Setting limits for children
We, as parents, have the ultimate responsibility for our children and are the example from which they will learn how to set the limits on others. It is sometimes complicated the set limits to othersWell, possibly, we ourselves have trouble doing it empathically, proactively and respectfully. Let's learn to do it but don't let our children be treated in a punishing way because of fear, conventions or comfort.
Our children are not bad, they do not eat badly, they are not capricious or addicted to the tit, they are not too old to console them if they cry and nobody has the right to make them angry, make fun of them or punish them. And that, like the above, refers to family, friends or school. We have to defend their rights, without aggressiveness, but firmly.
By showing our children that we know set limits to anyone To harm them (or to harm us) we will be laying the first stone of their self-esteem when they are small and depend on us. There are more things we must do to boost your self esteem and we will see them in the next topic.
