Many times we talk about physical and emotional abuse of children and its serious consequences, but today we want to approach another form of violence that occurs in the opposite direction. I don't like the name "emperor syndrome", as these facts are known and that's why I wanted to complete the title with the most explanatory "children who mistreat their parents“.
What can happen for a child to mistreat his parents, especially his mother? These are children who, from a young age, insult parents, control them with their demands, without attending to norms or limits. When they grow up, the most serious cases can lead to physical aggression.
I have known a couple of cases of preteens who were following this behavior, and the impression was that each had problems of a different origin, some familiar and contextual and others genetic and / or psychological.
Some experts share the theory that children who mistreat their parents do so as a result of educational deficiencies, but it seems that educational factors do not explain all cases. Let's see why a violent child with his parents is characterized To understand them better:
- High emotional insensitivity. The essential element of the "emperor syndrome" is the absence of consciousness. They are children who are genetically more difficult to perceive emotions and make moral or ethical distinctions.
- They do not have a feeling of moral or emotional bonding, either with their parents or with other people or institutions. In these characteristics there are usually psychological disorders involved.
- They do not respond to educational guidelines or learn from mistakes.
- High focus on egocentric goals, seeks its own benefit without attending to the needs or requests of others.
- Low empathy and difficulty developing feelings of guilt.
- No attachment To parents and adults.
- Habitual defiance behaviors, lies and even cruel acts towards brothers and friends.
Possible reasons for a child to mistreat his parents
Until recently, the only people responsible for this phenomenon of family violence were the parents, but today experts point to other family and social causes, other genetic causes that help the development of this syndrome.
Lack of affectivity It is usually among the main causes of the "Emperor's syndrome": it occurs when there is an abandonment of family functions, overprotection and simultaneous demand, family habits determined by the shortage of time, lack of authority, permissiveness and, above all, the lack of affective elements.
However, there are specialists who point out that these familiar or environmental aspects are not enough to explain this phenomenon. Violence needs some more cause to emerge, and it usually does so in adolescence as a result of personal deterioration, of a lack of emotional education that is becoming increasingly important.
These children are unable to develop emotions such as empathy, love or compassion, which translates into difficulty in showing regret for bad actions (in reality, they don't know they are doing a bad deed). And here we talk about biological causes. It is not about children who at some point lost the ability to be empathic, but never had that ability.
On the other hand, certain sociological causes could be taken into account, in an environment in which the feeling of guilt is discredited and consumerism, immediate gratification and hedonism are encouraged (contests and reallitys television in which factors such as effort, intelligence or empathy to succeed are not valid).
What can we do to prevent the violence of our children
We see that not all factors are controllable and sometimes there are biological causes associated with certain psychological disorders that cause a child to abuse his parents.
But if there is something in our hand to prevent child abuse (and I go further, to prevent abuse to their peers, to exclude violence as a way of relating to the environment), we would highlight the following points:
- Not be violent with them. Not hitting our children or applying any form of abuse with them is essential so that they do not see abuse as a common way of relating. One of the consequences of whipping is that normalization of violence.
- Let's educate them on emotions. Recall that emotional education is among the bases for today's children to be capable and happy adults. The decrease in violence and altruism are linked to emotional learning. And for this it is key to teach the child to manage their emotions.
- In relation to the previous point, it is important to share with them feelings and concerns, communicate intensely, seek common interests ...
- Let us explain the moral and practical reasons of their bad action. However small they may be, even if we think they are not going to understand us, it is important to talk with them over and over again about these issues.
- Let's teach them self-control, the capacity for effort, the need for mistakes to learn, tools for channeling conflicts ...
- We must be clear in the values and norms, explained, so that they do not feel disoriented or insecure and have clear points of reference, while respecting their way of doing things as agreed. You have to talk to them to explain their duties or role in housework, because they are also important in it.
- Let's improve children's self-esteem, because having a positive self-assessment will help them face life and difficulties in a determined and positive way.
- To carry out all the previous points we need dedicate time to our children.
Violence, physical or psychological, of children and adolescents towards their parents It has an increasing incidence in both traditional and single-parent families (even higher). And what we know may only be the tip of the iceberg, because many parents do not report these facts.
Photos | wsilver and mdanys on Flickr
More information | Our age, Reflections
In Babies and more | Violent children, can children be compared with Padrón peppers: that some bite and others do not?
