Sometimes, couples with children and without children meet to celebrate good times and catch up on their lives. The truth is that it's nice to hear from others, share the good news and not so good; however, there are times when lines that should not be crossed are crossed, and one of them is that of the children: why we must stop asking couples without children the "And you, for when?"
Because not all couples want to have children
Not that you can't talk about it. You can talk, and you can always ask that it be done with respect: "And you, have you thought about having children? If you want to talk about it, of course." And I say it because curiosity among family and friends is normal, and because a question asked with education and caution does not have to bother (I understand).
And here a couple could answer that they have not thought about it, or that they have thought about it and have decided that they will have it but later, that they will have but are in it, that they have decided not to have, or not to answer, if they prefer not to: "The truth is that we prefer not to talk about it, if you don't mind."
The important thing is that everyone is comfortable with the conversation, with it and with everyone in reality.
But the question is not always asked like this ... there are those who say that about "And you, for when?", which seems not to admit the possibility that a couple may not want to have children.
And they are not asking if they will have children or not, but when they will have them, as if there was no other possibility:
- And you, for when?
- We have decided not to have children.
- That? Why? But if children are the most precious in the world! How lonely! Who will take care of you when you grow up? Don't you think it's selfish?
And the question is wrong, but the worst is what comes next: the string of judgments, assessments and comments on an apocalyptic future that many people do not understand.
Because not all couples can have children
It is harmful and annoying to be asked something for later, when giving the answer that is considered "wrong", the dogs let go. But it is no less harmful or annoying to insist on a couple that does, but cannot, or does not succeed.
- And you, for when?
- Well, let's see ... maybe soon.
- Well, now you can shake, because you are going to pass the rice.
- Now, let's see ...
And they look at each other, and she is visibly affected, and he visibly misplaced. Because they have been trying for a while and they don't get it ... because maybe they have had some positive in the test but as a precaution they have waited and then a loss has come, because they have spent time investing money, efforts and illusions in a goal that does not reach. All for someone with a very long tongue to summarize everything in a "rice will pass".
And there are people who also He can't read the faces of others. That they are telling you "between the lines" that you shut up at once ... once, that you are screwing up the groin, and you continue with the subject. That you know one who has not been waiting so long, that you did very well because you decided to have them very young and a lot of things that nobody has asked you or need to hear.
So, if you see the years go by and a couple keeps coming to the meetings year after year, without pregnancy or baby, think twice if it's worth opening your mouth.
If you're curious and have no intention of judging, you can ask, I think so (if anything, don't do it in public). If instead your intention is to show that the only possible family is that composed of a couple with children, just shut up. You are no better because you have children, nor will you be able to explain anything they don't know anymore.
Photos | iStock
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