For a while it has been shared in waves (for a time you see it everywhere and then disappears until it returns) a short story of those who show that love for children must always exist, even when we can barely be with them. Or rather, that children should always receive it, even when they see us little.
Following that story, titled "A knot in the sheet", many parents (I imagine) carry out that strategy, that of doing a knot in the sheet of your children, or similar. Then I leave you with the story so that you understand why it is done and then I will explain why I do not like it, why I wish nobody had to do it.
A knot in the sheet
At a school's parent meeting, the principal highlighted the support parents should give their children. She understood that although most of the parents in the community were workers, they had to find some time to spend and spend with the children.However, the principal was surprised when one of the parents got up and explained that he did not have time to talk to his son during the week. When he left for work it was very early and his son was still sleeping and when he returned from work it was very late and the boy was already lying down. He also explained that he had to work that way to provide for the family's livelihood.
He also said that not having time for his son distressed him a lot and tried to replace that fault by giving him a kiss every night when he arrived at his house and, so that his son knew that he had gone to see him while he was sleeping, he made a knot in the tip of the sheet: "When my son wakes up and sees the knot, he knows that his dad has been there and has kissed him. The knot is the means of communication between us."
The principal was moved by that unique story and was even more surprised when she found that the son of that man was one of the best students in the school.
This fact makes us reflect on the many ways in which people can be present and communicate with others. That father found his form, a simple but efficient way. And the most important thing is that his son perceived through the knot, all his father's affection.
Sometimes we worry so much about the way we say the things we forget, the main thing is communication through feeling. Simple details such as a kiss and a knot on the tip of a sheet, meant for that son, much more than a lot of empty gifts or apologies. It is valid that we care about people, but the most important thing is that they know and can feel our concern and affection for them. For communication to exist, it is necessary for people to “listen” to the language of our heart, since feelings always speak louder than words.
It is for this reason that a kiss, covered with the purest affection, cures the headache, the blow of the knee or the fear of the dark.
People may not understand the meaning of many words, but they know how to distinguish a gesture of affection and love, even if that gesture is only a knot in the sheet. A knot full of affection, tenderness and love.
“Live in such a way that when your children think of justice, love, love and integrity, they think of you”
You already know: a knot in the sheet is just a code message from father to son, which every morning upon waking he knows that dad has been there and kissed him. A story that in the global seems beautiful and inspiring (that's why many people share it), but that hides, in my view, enough shadows.
Normalizing the fact that a father cannot see his son
Is it normal for a father to not see his son grow and that a son cannot see his father, and that all he has of him is a knot in his sheet in the morning? No, it is not normal. Usually yes, because we live in a devouring capitalist system that exploits people in such a way that, in order to live, they must leave home full time, sometimes only the father, sometimes only the mother, sometimes both (there will be children who wake up with two knots in the sheet).
I don't like that any story that tries to inspire beautiful feelings normalizes the fact of being a father without being a father. I don't want to have to put knots in anyone's sheet, I want to see them grow and, if he were that father, he would look for ways to fight for it.
Yes, of course it is difficult, of course it is almost impossible, but it is that Your child's childhood is being lost!
The boy was one of the best in school
The story goes that the principal was surprised to see that her son was one of the best in the school. Y? Has to do? Is a knot in a sheet enough for a child? With that you already feel loved and full? No. If I were a child I would not feel that way. My father also said good night to me and gave me a kiss, but there wasn't much else and I have always felt that I have lacked a relationship with him, which has not existed ... and I have envied children whose parents did spend time with their children. I was not one of the best in school, and if I ever was, it had nothing to do with my father giving me a kiss every night, because I felt the lack of everything else.
Do you remember that time when psychologists and professionals allowed themselves to buy and began to say that it was enough with 30 minutes a day to educate your son and that he knew he was loved? They called it quality time and the intention was clear: to reassure parents who could barely spend time with their children making them believe that with a little bit of love the children already had enough: "you go to work, earn money, spend it, enjoy life and don't worry about your son ... with a little while he has enough".
Well it's the same. A knot in the sheet is better than nothing, but for a child it is a misery. It serves to tell him that dad is there, it serves, if you explain it, so he knows you love him, but I doubt he feels really wanted to see a knot every morning, when what he really needs is to run, laugh, play, talk and spend time with him. That's love, that's love that's being a father, being able to be with your son.
There is no other way?
And if in the end you are a father like that, one who does not see his children all day, do not leave your relationship on a sheet. Record videos, take pictures, leave drawings, write stories, things that have happened to you, your feelings ... buy a newspaper and write on it, but addressed to your child. It is sad, really sad, but if there is no other, it is better to do so. At least he will know about you that you are capable of more things than making a knot.
So no, I don't like the story because I don't want a life like that, that of an invisible father (In collation, looking for the story, I found the opinion of a psychologist, Begoña Gil, who also doesn't want to make knots in the sheets). I do not like it because I am sure that a child will feel and notice the lack of a father who would like to be but is not there. And I don't like it because there are much more beautiful and communicative ways of reaching your child's heart.
Ah! And on the weekend take advantage of lost time and stay with your child. No need to give him a weekend in I don't know where, not even go to the movies and buy popcorn and then a gift. You stay with him, tell him the stories you have not been able to do during the week, go out to the park to play with the ball, do somersaults on the ground and run one after the other, play parcheesi, explain your life and enjoy the three, mom, dad and the child of life together. Child you don't need anything else.
