Almost infallible recipe against tantrums (Conclusion)

A good strategy for tantrums is, in my opinion, reconsider our reasons To say no. Many times we say no to things that there is no real reason to ban them. If it is not dangerous, why say no? It is clear that you can not put your fingers in a plug or poke half a body through the window but can we stop ten minutes to see that anthill or give it a banana even if there is half an hour to eat? There are generally many things we could let them do (each case is special, I do not intend to generalize). Just count How many times do you say no to children in one day?. It is exhausting for us and for them.

It is also an exercise for parents to relearn language. We can't tell you "you're bad", "mom won't love you", or "I'm going to tell the Magi if you don't stop". To build a strong self-concept, the messages they receive from the people they love most must be positive and not enclose negative value judgments. If we tell them they are bad, they will believe it. And if they think they are bad, how can we get to them?

The tantrums, which begin after 18 months they are a necessary stage of their development: the discovery of themselves as independent beings. And they are also his first freedom exercises.

They spend months in which you tell them what you say to everything they will refuse. They don't want soup or they want mash, they don't want to go to the street or stay at home. What do they want? They are only learning that they can have their own desires other than ours. Then his independence they scare them or our reactions baffle them. His own discovery of a self with his own will is a source of lack of control. Isn't the adventure of lovingly accompanying you in that learning fascinating? I think so.

Tantrums will pass and they will do it more simply and healthily if we don't try to tame them. Obeying is not the best teaching we can give a child. Respect and empathy yes. And that they will learn better if we offer them. Keeping children submissive with screams, fear or punishment in the long term damages their self-esteem and can explode later, in adolescence, with a rage contained many years that we can no longer silence.

So the almost infallible recipe is to understand and love, accompany and not tame. In the long run it will make us all more happy.

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