Pregnancy does not have to mean a break in sexual relations of the couple, in fact, if there is no risk, practicing sex during pregnancy has many benefits. However, after delivery not everything is rosy and resuming sex after having a baby can be complicated.
Complicated, but not impossible. Because everything arrives, with patience, although immediately after delivery it seems to you that "never again". Because if that "never again" lasted a long time, would families with more than one child not be in danger of extinction and let alone the numerous?
It is clear that the puerperium or quarantine is a complicated stage and the woman undergoes important changes, both physical and emotional, that will condition her life in the coming weeks and months. Retaking sex is just one of the important challenges that arise after childbirth.
In addition, also for the father the arrival of a child involves many changes and all this combined will cause sexuality to go to the background, for now. But how long will "normality" arrive?
In Babies and more Nine challenges that you will face in postpartum (and calm, you will overcome them)When to resume sexual intercourse after childbirth?
There is no single answer to this question.. Each woman and each couple are very variable and the main thing is to be aware of the possible difficulties and not feel alone (or alone) at this stage, which could lengthen the recovery time and especially pay a dangerous terrain such as depression postpartum
During the expulsion of the lochia in the postpartum period, it is not recommended to have relations with penetration at least in the first lochia, when the risk of infection is high due to the sensitivity of the vaginal mucosa at this time, with cracks and tears.
In a couple of weeks the flow of the lochia will have been reduced considerably and we will have the "Lochia alba". These secretions can last up to six or eight weeks after delivery. Over the weeks, the mucosa is already recovering but the use of condoms for vaginal penetration is recommended to avoid the risk of infection.
If the mother has points, especially if they are episiotomy, the relationships will bother until about six weeks have passed. And, although the points fall earlier, the episiotomy is not fully healed and stabilized, so it will continue to bother.
In the case of caesarean section, the discomfort is minor and the mother will feel recovered at approximately four weeks, but when it comes to having sexual intercourse, we must look for postures that do not press the wound.
In Babies and more Postpartum sexualityAn important period can be set by the gynecologist during the puerperal visit, after 40 days of delivery. During this visit you will make us a general scan (weight gain, blood pressure ...), a vaginal touch, spectroscopy (examination of the vagina with a speculum), colposcopy (examination of the cervix), assessment of the condition of the pelvic floor ...
The gynecologist can check, if necessary, the healing of an episiotomy or caesarean section, verify that everything evolves correctly, advising us on ways to promote this healing and give us the "approval" to resume sexual intercourse if you do not observe any problem, also advising us on contraceptive methods and waiting time to find a second baby.
Of course, there are many types of intimate relationships and for oral sex and other forms of sexual activity, such as masturbation, there are no restrictions after childbirth beyond the wishes felt by the couple.But perhaps the question is not to set deadlines and rather the question would be: When will we feel like making love again? Because when your life takes such a big turn with the arrival of a baby, especially if it is the first, the first weeks can be very hard and we do not see the moment, not just having a romantic break, but simply resting.
Some problems that may arise
It is normal that, for a few months, given the great physical requirement of having a baby and caring for the newborn, as well as the process of adapting to the new role of parents, decreases the desire and sexual activity. The usual thing is that after one year, if not before, the normality in the sexual life of the couple has recovered. These are some difficulties to return to sex after delivery.
Two out of three women have small injuries after childbirth, ranging from internal tears of the mucosa to the incision in the perineum. During the birth of the baby, the uterus and cervix undergo major changes and need time to return to their usual state, as we have indicated in the previous section.
If the months pass and the penetration hurts, go to the gynecologist to check your condition, since it is possible that the episiotomy incision has not healed satisfactorily.
The mother does not accept her new body. The physical changes are evident in the woman who has just given birth and it may take months and even years to return to her previous weight, although it is most likely that this figure of adolescence does not recover, when there was no baby . The important thing is to know that the process of recovering the previous weight is long and the couple has a lot to do with the acceptance of the mother's body, in helping to give a boost to their self-esteem with love, with caresses, with all the understanding, acceptance and tenderness with those changes in his wife.
The father does not accept his wife's new body. It may be that the changes in the mother's body, in the breasts, in the belly… suppose a rejection in the man. The key is to be aware of the normality of these changes and the slow recovery. When the relationship is based on solid pillars, the physical should not be an impediment to continue with an intimate relationship and if this happens and time passes without changes in the attitude of man, we must seek help (there are probably many other aspects of relationship that also fail).
Tiring exhaustion is perhaps the biggest enemy of postpartum sex. When parents overcome lack of sleep, sexuality may return to our lives. Ensure that the mother has her moments of rest and "help" with the baby at night (in fact, it is to exercise his father's responsibility) will favor the desire for intimacy.
In the case of postpartum depression (more frequent than we imagine, being able to affect one in four women) we are facing a problematic situation that requires a medical consultation.
Although less frequent, parents may also suffer from postpartum depression, so their emotional situation must be taken into account, since in this case it will be he who does not manifest sexual desire.
A traumatic birth can cause deep rejection of sex. The mother may be afraid of pain or fear of a new pregnancy. Disinterest in sex in the first months is prolonged and there is direct rejection. The help of a professional is needed to overcome this phobia.
The best advice to overcome these problems is to take time. Recent mothers at this time what they will need is rest and a lot of delicacy and tenderness. A simple hug or caresses can be very therapeutic and give confidence to the mother again. There may not be sex during the first months, but for many couples this period with the baby is very "romantic".
Often, taking the first steps without seeking penetration, giving us massages, seeking relaxation, accepting our bodies, exploring other forms of sexuality, is the best way to start approaching the previous "normality".Finally, there is another factor that we have not mentioned: the presence of the baby. This does not have to be a problem, unless you claim us at the most unexpected or least opportune moment. Yes: the baby is there and needs us, without understanding schedules or romanticism, so we are ready for interruptions and that this does not discourage us to seek new moments of intimacy.
Prevent postpartum pregnancy
Agree: we have already achieved it, we have overcome the difficulties and after a few months the normality returns to our sexual relations. But have you thought if you are ready to have another baby? If not, you should do it.
No one knows for sure when menstruation returns after pregnancy, and although if the woman is breastfed it may take months and even years to return, it is not an exact calculation and there are women who breastfeed frequently and both or Three months already have the period.
Breastfeeding does not prevent ovulation with certainty and, although the menstruation has not returned after childbirth, we do not know at what moment our organism will produce that first egg that can be fertilized if it comes into contact with the sperm.
In Babies and more The psychological approach to sexual dysfunctions after childbirth It is true that exclusive and frequent breastfeeding usually prevents ovulation due to the production of hormones, but this can be done at any time, especially if the distance between shots is lengthened, for example when the baby begins to sleep more at night. Then, whether you breastfeed or not, you have to take precautions to prevent pregnancy in the postpartum period.
Many women can talk about children very often, unexpectedly, because they trusted that "false contraceptive" which is not having the period after giving birth. So, if you don't want to expand the family yet, it is best to take the necessary precautions.
When you have already physically recovered from childbirth, perhaps the most recommended option is the male condom, since it does not interfere with breastfeeding as contraceptive pills could do, nor in the female reproductive system as the IUD could ...
The female condom can also be used once the mother is fully recovered.
As for birth control pills, being hormonal methods are not recommended in the first six weeks after giving birth. After, you can't take any kind of pill if you are breastfeeding. The most common ones, those that contain estrogens and progestogens, are not recommended during breastfeeding because they could affect milk production. In these cases, better contraceptives only from progestogens or with a very low amount of estrogen.
The copper or hormonal IUD can only be placed after six weeks of birth, since it is necessary to wait until the uterus has returned to its normal size. Even so, women may be uncomfortable at this stage, due to their side effects. It is not a valid method for all women: consult the gynecologist.
The diaphragm is a disused method because of its discomfort and its relatively low effectiveness. Of course the intercourse interruptus or the "reverse" is not a contraceptive method. And, aside, as we have said before, there is the possibility of maintaining relationships without full penetration. And, well, surely, sooner or later, when you want to expand the family, start over.
Anyway, with love, patience and security, resume sex after having a baby It's not as far as you can think. We hope that with these tips the process will be more conscious and avoid unnecessary worries in this normal transition.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Do you want to improve sex with your partner? Share childcare, Postpartum sexuality, Sexual intercourse during breastfeeding
